Males on Sunday

The Mail on Sunday is not just the second best selling Sunday paper in the UK, a defender of conservatism with a small c but with a tinge of salacious gossip, it also runs a major (10 round) knock-out competition amongst golf clubs in Britain. Which we enter each year. The semi finals and finals are held somewhere exotic, the first few rounds somewhere local.

We had a bye in the first round, which was a result, and were drawn against Dunstanburgh at home for the second.

Here's the problem: how do you select a team? The club that won last year's competition made the decision to play their best golfers; but I think that’s a bit obvious. And almost cheating - although it obviously worked. I thought of putting up a list asking for volunteers; but there wasn't a lot of time. So I thought I'd pick people trying to get a mix of competitive ones, those on form and those that were good. (Plus myself: I couldn't really ask people to give up a Sunday morning without doing so as well). I'll leave you to judge which category Trevor Thompson, John Cairns, Stuart Archer and John Moffet fall into. (Initially I wondered about a team entirely composed of Johns but it turned out to be impractical; at least we were in a majority).

The day itself was pretty stressful; first, most of the other team turned up before 9.00 and our team didn’t completely arrive until 9.50. Bacon rolls kept Dunstanburgh quiet for only so long. Second, I'd picked myself and I was the worse golfer on the team. So I really didn't want to lose. Four-putting the 1st didn't help but learning Trevor was 6 up after 7 did. And then a few pars and a lot of shots worked wonders and as my putt for 5 net 4 eased in on the 15th I knew I couldn't lose. A stroke later I'd won. As did most of the others: we won 4-1, third round beckoning. Nine to go.

Social inclusion

The third mixed greensomes drew another decent group despite cold and slightly damp weather which got colder and dryer as the day wore on; this time we had slightly more women than men but Nicky's methodical and unbiased analysis split us into 3 groups, one a three ball sixsome. Or something.I was paired with Alison Lambert who showed that ladies continue to focus on quality golf when picking captains; fortunately the men are less fussy. But actually I was not too bad; so which of my shots would she talk about in the clubhouse? My perfect shot out of the bunker on the fifth, landing inches from the pin? The drive on the 9th (helped a little by the wind) stopping just short of the dip? No, it was the missed 10 inch putt on the 18th. Never mind, we were leaders in the clubhouse until the last group came in: but yet again, a married couple, John and Mel Downs, won it with a creditable 38 points. (David Cameron hasn't yet picked up on this as a reason for promoting marriage).
Saturday saw a real test of group dynamics. Usually, when it's bad weather people drift in having left their clubs in the car. They have a drink, a coffee and agree it would be stupid to go out. But then one or two people (usually from Belford) take their clubs out the car, suggest it would be wimpish not to play and the rest of us follow like sheep.

I'm proud to say that on Saturday I didn't. I watched three people tee off and then stayed indoors.

A Conundrum of Captains

What is the collective noun for a group of golf club captains? This came to mind as I went to the annual dinner of the Society of Northumberland Golf Captains (effectively, a past captains society so I went as a guest). Bamburgh has good connections: we have provided more captains of the society than any other club, the last being Ian Miller in 2009 (and last year's was Ian Patterson, although representing Alnmouth).

Over 270 past captains/captains were crowded into the room, an impressive sight if 270 captains impresses you. A web search suggests (for golfers generally) a shank, a divot, a bogey, a tedium, a sadness and a course. Other thoughts were a society, a flight, a desperation and a hazard. John Taylor suggested a pomposity; that remains my favourite.

The main speaker was Sandy Strang. I took many notes of his jokes for repetition at various friendlies - I was told no-one would recognise them because of the way I'd tell them. Our table added interest with a sweep on the length of the speech. Hugh Adair, in form, was closest to the 36 minute 42.9 seconds actual with 35 minutes.

Strang said he had written a book about "Council Golf": "How to hit a maxfli out of the rough.... After hitting a wilson off the tee."

The luck of the Draw

Successful golf brings together a number of skills: hand/eye co-ordination, muscle control, timing, judgement, concentration and so on. And even before you start the game, there’s other skills, perhaps the most important being the ability to draw cards properly.

I arrived on Saturday second only to Chris Hall, and fifteen arrivals later ended up choosing the groups by drawing the cards. We had a five-ball at the end; I drew myself, as well as the third and fourth people to arrive, in that last group out. That’s just inept. So I’ve found some useful sites about how to manipulate cards. Next time, I’ll be out first.

The golf? To mis-quote Sven, first half good, second half not so good (although with one birdie); John Porteus and Hugh Adair had 40 points but were beaten on countback by Malcolm Cresswell. Perhaps the best news of the day was that when I left the clubhouse Arsenal were 4-0 up at St James’ Park.

Mixed golf

The second mixed greensomes event went well - a slight imbalance in numbers, with more men than women, meant we had a two man team and a three person team, but that just added to our egalitarian and flexible outlook.

I played with Nicky Rose and the Paynes; Nicky and I started well with 23 points on the front nine but then frittered shots away to end up with 39. The Paynes managed a consistent back nine of 24 points to give them 41 - despite an intriguing shot, one of the most accurate I've seen had it been intended, into a small GUR hole where it disappeared. My camera proved it had drifted out of reach down the drain, so making a rules judgement a bit easier (they put a new ball down behind the hole).

41 points was not enough; the dream three person team of John Porteous, Keith Whitfield and Margaret Heatley came in with 43. Fortunately Nicky had a spare bottle of wine in her car to give them a prize each.

Next event: Sunday 20 February.


There were a couple of things to note on Saturday by the way (apart from my first ever birdie on the 9th):

- Robin Williamson's return to competitive golf, with a drive to a few feet from the pin resulting in a peerless par, and

- Mark Dawson taught me how to work out 3/4 handicap differences easily (divide the difference by two, divide the result by two and add them); previously I'd done what any good accountant would do and waited for someone else to tell me.

Where the money goes

Aerators, Agrochemicals, Cassettes, Corers, Fertilisers, Filters, Grinders, Irrigation technologies, Mowers for every occasion, Scarifiers, Slitters, Sprayers, Spreaders, Verti-cutters, Vibe-Turf Irons, Wash-off systems... never mind course furniture, drainage, netting, artificial surfaces, storage, education.

Every activity has its trade fair. Greenkeeping is no different: every year Harrogate hosts the "ultimate turf management exhibition in Europe" and as we spend a lot of money on turf management I thought it'd be worth a look.

The trouble with almost any trade fair is that it's easy to walk out having spent a fortune on things you don't really need. Despite the fact that most of the salesmen on the stands look terminally bored as they hope for someone to ask them something. (There was one exception: the agronomist from STRI who does our annual inspection was incredibly enthusiastic as he demonstrated their new gadget which measures the smoothness of greens and looked forward to visiting us in Summer to try it out). I didn't in fact buy a new grinder, or a waste water separator, or indeed anything. But it was tempting.

It was encouraging to hear how many people who, in passing, had nice things to say about Bamburgh. Yes, most were salesmen, but they did seem to have genuine knowledge of the course and the club.

Over the rainbow

Why is Saturday’s weather the worst of the week? This was my thought as I drew the curtains and looked out on dark clouds and high winds. High wind can be fun but rain is bad, rain in wind very bad. The view in the clubhouse was that rain was not an option so I went out along with about 18 others – and it was one of those days where the wind kept rain off the course. However, towards the end of the round a rainbow formed out to sea - with the clubhouse at one end. An optimistic sign. (The weather IS worse on a Saturday, by the way: lots of studies have been made into this. The simplistic reason is pollution.)

It’s a game of two halves. That well worn sports cliché described my game, with 9 points on the front 9 and 19 on the back. Pars took their time coming, but I managed three on the last 3; and thanks to partnering Peter Sanderson this gave me a couple of net threes: Geoff Hulley had thought his birdie on the 18th was enough to win a match which had been close all the way - but sadly (for him and Luggy) my net three meant we halved. A game of three halves, in fact.

The Brass Monkeys event is now in full swing, with an imposing new notebook to record the scores. Today there was a paddle, the wind restricting the two best scores to 35. Inevitably one was Trevor Thompson in the lead after his 43 points last week.

The Burgess dinner

Past captains had told me that one of the highlights of my year would be my trip to the annual dinner at the Royal Burgess Golfing Society; this proved to be the case.

As I noted at the time of our friendly match in August, we are fortunate to have a relationship with the oldest golf society in the world and they are excellent hosts at their clubhouse in Edinburgh. I don't think I have ever had as much Drambuie in one sitting but fortunately it's a drink that doesn't leave an after effect. I'll try to remember some of the evening's jokes to repeat (hopefully just the once) in speeches during the year; in the meantime here's one from the toast on behalf of the guests: "I'd also like to say thank you to Roger and Nick in the kitchen; I don't know if that's their names but I gather it's what they've been doing all day."
Unfortunately Edinburgh had a big snowfall during the evening which meant we couldn't play golf the following day - although apparently the course had been mostly closed all week. But as always snow and sunshine is a good combination for a walk.

Course Fully Open

The weather today was as good as it gets in winter, and the course was fully open having dried out quickly. The usual Wednesday group with some additions went out.I was too busy to play. A pain.

Happy New Year

The course (or at least 10 holes) re-opened on New Year's day so I went along for the first "Brass Monkeys" game. Usually, I'm late. Today, I was the only one there. I wondered what I had done wrong, or whether Jools Holland's Hootenanny had confused me so much I didn't know what time it was. I returned about half an hour later to find a small group berating (teasing?) Bill Robson for only having 10 holes open (I was quite happy with that: they are the holes I find easiest and I suspect resting the course does it good). But despite that 7 of us went out (preceded by a couple of family groups). It was really cold and a bit windy: the winner for the day was (again) Dick Little, but with only 38 points this time. I've often wondered if it's his cap which gives him the power to play so well in these conditions. Mark Dawson lent me his woolly hat but it didn't seem to change my game, so perhaps it's talent more than headgear that counts.

Update:

Having said that, on the next day Mark, with his hat back, got a hole in one at the (short) 15th and Dick Little won again. Talent? Headgear? You decide.

One noticeable point was the number of walkers; I've never understood why people walk when they could drive, although when they stick to the paths they're relatively harmless. But there was a large group walking through the bracken at the side of the 6th and the 5th who then casually wandered across the 4th fairway holding up the group behind us. Despite the screams of "fore" and worse. This lack of awareness by walkers of golfers seems to be growing, perhaps because of a lack of understanding about "rights to roam". In fact, Bamburgh (and most of the coastal around us) is not one of the new areas of open access; even if it were, golf courses are specifically excluded from open access areas because of the need to balance the rights of all users. Legally, walkers are therefore restricted to the existing rights of way. The Scottish section of the Ramblers society endorses the Scottish Outdoor Access Code which amongst other things says:
"Allow players to play their shot before crossing a fairway"; and "Be still when close to a player about to play".

The English section is quiet on the subject but hopefully common sense will prevail as the number of walkers grows.